of course..

Of course on the day we are getting the keys to our new house our kids would get sick!
We have huge plans for painting and cleaning our house this week, we hope to finish in a week and move in the end of this week. But as soon as I put my gloves on to get down and dirty my phone rings. It is Zeke's school office letting me know he has a fever! Sofia also has one!
So sad when my kids are sick, they have so much energy normally so when they just lay on the ground with sad faces it breaks your heart!
So I guess we will see what we can get done, Dan will defintely be doing all the work.
Thanks Annette for helping me clean this morning, your a great friend!
I guess I will be home more than I planned, then again I have barely packed so I guess I will have plenty to do!!!

strange times

It is so funny how much easier it is to write a nonsense blog rather than write what I am feeling or struggling with.
I could just write how I am sitting here listening to Coldplay's new album, which is amazing by the way (Nate is crazy to say otherwise!). I could write how I am eating egg salad sandwich again for dinner,(pregnancy craving) how much I accomplished today or what the kids did. It is much easier to write those things.
On July 4th I was sitting outside in the smoky weather reading my Bible, writing in my journal trying to hear something from God. The 4th was such a lonely day for me, Zeke was gone so the house was so still and quiet, we had no family or friends to hang out with and I just felt this sadness.
It feels like forever that I have been going through the motions of dailyness.
6 months of being in a funk, being sad and down, feeling lazy and unmotivated. I know it has maybe a little bit to do with the fact that I got pregnant finally after 7 years, moved our whole family and started a new life in a matter of a month. Now there is no family down the street, there are no friends that know you so deeply and live life with you daily anymore. I have to start that all over again and it does not happen very quickly.
I don't want to whine or be a Debbie Downer, but it has been hard.
I hate that when I go into labor I can't call my mom and tell her to come over to watch the kids, or that my kids can't go down the street anymore to their cousins house to play. So many daily things that seem so little but are actually huge to me.
Or maybe they are magnified because I am 8 months pregnant and an emotional wreck 98% of the time!
Anyway I felt like on the 4th God said ask for people to pray, let people know your struggle. Be vulnerable, it's easy right!
So at church Nate gave us the opportunity to pray with the people around us, and Rebecca and Erica prayed for me and it was so comforting to not pretend, but to have others who understood and prayed for me. Thanks girls it meant a lot.
Anyway I am longing to climb out of this funk and i hope it can begin now.
I am so very thankful for where God has us, but that doesn't mean it has been easy or will be easy, we sacrificed a lot to come here and sometimes that sucks. But I do not want my family to be anywhere that God doesn't want us to be.
So that means we keep moving forward, living out what God has called us to.
I hope a year from now I can look back at this time and see all the amazing things that came from the hard times!

it's been awhile

Since we have been misplaced for about a month now it has been really hard for me to blog! We have no routine or sense of normalcy so my time just does not go to bloggin!
Since Dan has been back we have been so busy with sickness and family get togethers and trying to wrap up all the details of life in Riverside. Our Christmas was great, this was the first Christmas where Zeke anticipated the day and what it would bring. Sadly he knew presents were coming and for about a week before he would ask if it was Christmas yet and if Santa was going to bring him a Christmas hummer. And yes Santa brought 2 of them! Anyway our families blessed us so much, and we are grateful for our time with them.
The time is coming closer when we will be leaving for our trek up to Redding and it is starting to set in. I got sad when we were at my parents house during Christmas just realizing I won't see my mom and dad every week and I won't just go hang out at my parents house whenever I want to. My sister and I won't live around the corner from each other anymore & Zeke won't be able to hang out with his cousins ever week. Little things like that are starting to set in and they are things I have not thought about until the past few days.
So it is with mixed emotions that we wait to leave, we are anxious to start new and get into life in Redding but we are so sad to leave our families and friends and a life that has been everything we've known for so so long.
Hope your Christmas was a great time with family! Happy Birthday Jesus!

two days down 16 more to go!

So dan left yesterday morning at 3:45am with our massive Uhaul truck and the car attached to the back! He actually made great time and the drive he was dreading was not too bad. Thank you Jesus! I was so worried about him all morning but it went so well.
Myself and the kids are staying with my parents and it is so nice to not be alone and to have people to help. It is only day 2 and we are having a hard time, so much change has been really hard on Zeke and he has a hard time whenever Dan is gone. Plus Sofia just got another tooth and has been in so much pain today, it is so sad to see her uncomfortable all day long!
I spent about 2 and 1/2 hours cleaning our empty house yesterday and it was kind of sad and lonely to be there with every sound echoing. It felt good to be done with that and such a relief to be on to the next phase. Now I just have to get through 16 more days without my husband!
For all of you waiting to hear from Dan I am sure he will write in a day or two, he has been a busy bee setting up our new home, how lucky am I to skip this part!

packing sucks

The kids actually took a nap today and I have been wandering around trying to figure out what to pack next. I pick a room and then realize I still have over a week and I will need those items I was going to pack! I packed some more books today worked on adoption stuff, but it doesn't look like I have done a darn thing. Since I have been married we have moved I think 6 times. Not fun, I am tired of it and so unmotivated! I am not a procrastinator but I am totally acting like one right now!
Let's hope I can pull this off, and get it all done!

redding trip

The last few days were spent in Redding looking for a place for us to live when we move. It was such an awesome trip, God provided for us in so many ways! The first day we went to two place and the second one was love at first sight! We had heard about this town home and I had high hopes for it and it far exceded what I expected! It is so beautiful and we are getting an amazing deal from a guy that Nate knows from Risen King ( the church we went to while living in Redding). We are so grateful, we feel like it is the perfect fit for our family. THe pre-school we want Zeke to go to was so great, they were so friendly and willing to work with us financially, which was a huge concern for us!
A few days before we left I hurt my neck really badly and sleeping on the hotel pillow made it 100 times worse. I woke up Thursday morning and literally could not get out of bed. Nate called a friend from the Stirring who is a Chiropractor and he got us in right away. HE took x -rays, adjusted me and did not charge us. Today my neck is fianlly moving and the inflmation is going down. It was just amazing how everyone took care of us and was so willing to help meet our needs.
It was exciting driving around planning for our family but also felt lonely and overwhelming. I know God is calling us to go to Redding and that is a comfort to know we are doing what he asks. But that doesn't make it easy to leave. I need to start packing my house up and that freaks me out.
Thansk for praying for us as we were in Redding, God overwhelmed us with his provision for us.

so much to do , so little time

I must admit my blogging has been sparse lately, I know you all depend on my wit and intelligent thoughts to get you through the day. I will try harder!
Actually things have been so crazy busy lately when I do have a free moment I just read a few blogs and that is all I have time for. We are trying to prepare to move and wrap things up that we have put off for so long. I have been trying to finish up the adoption stuff as well. Some of you may remember my rant a month ago about possibly having to re-adopt Sofia. It is looking like that is not the case yay! But things are still unresolved. I went to the court to file my petition but they still didn't know what any of my paper work was all about and the lady that possibly knew a little bit could not be found. So I left my paper work and still have not heard back. It is hard to have so many things unresolved, at least it is for me, I like things to be wrapped up nice and pretty so I can be done worrying about them!
It is just crazy because in a month we need to have our house rented and packed up and everything ready to go, it feels impossible. I know it will come together it always does, but the craziness that comes before that is what scares me! I have been putting off the sadness and goodbyes because there is so many other things to do. I don't even want to begin to think of the actual day we leave, lets just pretend it is still a long way off!

sweet time with my little man

Lately Zeke has been having a hard time, we attribute it to us moving. IF you don't know we are moving to Redding CA in January. We are excited, sad, stressed, anxious and more. We told Zeke about a month ago and he was actually really excited, he wanted to know if we would drive on the 60 freeway to get there! And he wanted to know if he would be close to Ava and aidia, NAte and erica and Trisha. He knows they live there and I think it helped to have familiar friends already there. But in this last month we have had many, many many ups and downs and I think he grasps small pieces of our life changing.
But yesterday and today we had two distinct moments together that I loved. Yesterday we were at his nana and papa's waiting for Sofia to wake up from a morning nap and it was just he and I. We layed on the couch together facing each other and just talked for like 10 minutes. We talked about school, and dressing up for Halloween, how the colors of our eyes were different and he said mine were green and orange and brown so so pretty. THen a minute later he asked if my teeth were gray! You gotta love the honesty of kids, Dan says it is just because in the Lorax they talk about the Onclers teeth being gray. I am going to go with!
THen today he crawled into bed with me and whispered "mama it's your birthday today you are 30 years old" It was so sweet and he just layed beside me and asked me how I slept and if I was doing ok, it was so so sweet and I cherish these times that seem so few lately. It makes me tired and sad to think about the months ahead and how hard they might be for him, he is so sweet and sensative I am just praying for a smooth transition for him!